For you.Ī screenshot from 'Kiss of War,' a mobile game which Drew Magary played for journalism. I could explore the seedy underbelly of the App Store and languish in its lesser wares. I still listen to Dokken, and that guy couldn’t even sing.” Two very large dots connected in my cerebrum. You know we can listen to the surface of Mars now, right?Īnyway, I usually wait the standard five seconds for the SKIP button to appear on these ads and then I get back to my sudoku, but then I thought, “Hey man, there have to be people out there that actually PLAY this garbage.” And then I thought, “Well wait a second, I like a lot of garbage myself.

If you DO remember, well then you need more memorable things in your life. Remember 'Game of War'? With the Kate Upton ads? You probably don’t remember. I’m a functional horndog, which I guess makes me an ideal target for games such as 'Kiss of War,' which is like 'Game of War' but with even more T&A. I’m horny and proud, in an extremely responsible and not-at-all problematic way. Boobs? What are those? I know not of what you speak! There’s nothing liberal men enjoy more than pretending they’re NEVER horny. I am apparently an ideal target audience for these ads. These ads intrigue me, because doesn’t Cedric the Entertainer have his own CBS sitcom? How much money does Cedric the Entertainer really need right now? Did Cedric do a Cameo for someone without realizing it would be used in a shitty ad like this?Īnd then, there are the horny iPhone games. I’ve seen ads for “Solitaire Cube” featuring Cameos (literally, the Cameo brand logo is at the bottom of the videos they use) from Snoop Dogg and Cedric the Entertainer. I’ve seen ads for 'Wordscapes' that promise it’ll increase my brain capacity by like 6,000%. It’s a very distressing stage of existence, made even worse by the fact that I am routinely bombarded with interstitial ads in between games.

I am now at the age where I play sudoku to unwind. SFGATE columnist Drew Magary tried playing three notoriously horny iPhone games: 'Kiss of War,' 'Producer' and 'Call me a Legend.' Andy Andersen / SFGate

Virtual stripper type games